As I stated in my last post, we are back in ministry. For two weeks we had “Kumbaya Sessions.” It was definitely frustrating for me.
The root of it turned out to be an unwillingness to deal with conflict but instead venting to others. As a result, people began to carry the hurts of others. This is why I believe Matthew 18:15 and Matthew 5:23 are so important! We first go to that person before anyone else. It alleviates unnecessary drama and prevents Satan from having a foothold.
So many people see conflict as bad, but it’s not. Conflict happens and we have to resolve it. Usually, conflict is the result of hurt, but it’s our pride that prevents us from admitting we are truly hurt about something. Other times its frustration as a result of personal convictions. The method laid out by Jesus in the Bible gets to the heart of both of these. It leaves no room for lingering emotions to go unaddressed. (Watermark has a great resource for you if you struggle with conflict.)
As best as I could, I made it my aim to address hurts and conflicts as soon as possible. However, because growing in this area takes time, I was the target of what happens when conflict is not addressed.
Y’all, it was hard and it really hurt! I repeatedly, from the beginning, tried to tell my teammates to go to individuals when they have an issue. I also tried to address the fact that during conflict, you address wrongs committed towards you by the individual; you cannot address wrongs for someone else. We each have ownership of our own actions and feelings. But it wasn’t getting through.
It was during my time with the Lord before these “Kumbaya Sessions” that I realized my fault. And although there was nothing different from what I was saying, I was not trusting the Lord to take care of these issues. My heart ached because of the attacks I was receiving, but I was trying to defend myself.
I continued reading Job, as my mentor suggested but added the Psalms and Isaiah to my daily reading.
It was during this time I read Isaiah 30:15–
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength”
Then Psalm 18 –
I love you, Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
And lastly Job 27: 5-6 –
my lips will not say anything wicked,
and my tongue will not utter lies.
I will never admit you are in the right;
till I die, I will not deny my integrity.
I will maintain my innocence and never let go of it;
my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live.
I realized I don’t have to fight this battle myself. I don’t have to prove your wrong, nor my right. The Lord WILL fight for me and He will deliver me from affliction. If there is wrong in me, He will show me. I don’t have to know why He causes the affliction to come, but I know He is good. I know He has a purpose in it. I know He will use it for His glory and to conform me more into His image.
“In quietness and trust is your strength…”
I don’t have to say anything but simply run to my Father who does not take light those wh attack His daughter. I present my request and cries to him and I TRUST that He hears.
I understand what the wise say when they declare the older you get the less you speak. The older you get, the more you realize how little words are actually necessary for much of life. My prayer is that I live in a constant state of trusting the Lord in all affliction.
As I end this post, I want to share a song I listened to today that I didn’t even know was stored on my playlist. It’s called, Never Lost by Elevation Worship. The simple words that tore me up were this:
You can do all things
You can do all things but fail
‘Cause You’ve never lost a battle
No, You’ve never lost a battle
And I know, I know
You never will
I hope it brings comfort and encouragement to you if you relate to me, David, Job, or any of the Lord’s people that He allows to go through suffering.
Until Heaven or Sooner,
Prayers, Praises, and Updates
- I am FULLY FUNDED! Thank you so so so so so much! It may not appear on the bar on my home page, but I have received the full amount I need to raise. Please remember to go into your account and stop reoccurring donations if you are one of my monthly supporters.
- Although I am fully funded, there are “unexpected expenses” such as medicine, water, food, etc. that come up, and if you still feel on your heart to give, you may do so through Venmo/ CashApp/ Paypal. Any support given through my donation page WILL NOT go towards me.
- Also, if you have a heart for missionaries and the advancement of the Gospel, I have a teammate who still has a good amount to go, and if your heart feels led, you may donate to her here. It is tax-deductible. I know she will be very appreciative!
- We leave for Togo, Africa on the 5th! Prayers for safe travel and protection.
- Pray for my teammate, Paul. He’s been sick pretty much the majority of the race and he’s our treasurer, so that makes some things difficult, but above that, it prevents him from ministry and takes out others as well as the rotate to be with him in the hospital.
- Pray the Lord will give me the strength to endure any trials that come my way and that I would always take refuge in Him.
- Pray that I would be aware of the opportunities to share the Gospel.
- Pray that God would help me with the many struggles and frustrations that come with living in community.