My 75 Hard Experience as a Woman

In October, I made the decision to take on the 75 hard challenge. I thought about doing it for a while, but never felt the need to “prove myself” or join the bandwagon. I’m a pretty disciplined and healthy person. However, when my roommate said she wanted to do it, I saw it as a confirmation to begin myself. Now, I can’t tell you if my roommate continued (all I know is I stopped seeing her do her daily walks and cooking–her diet was to not eat out).

As for me, however, I was determined to finish. So let’s give a recap. While I’m quite disciplined, the organization I desired in writing this post isn’t happening, so I’m going to start with the challenges.

Progress Pictures

While I was able to do this, I do not think it’s a healthy task to do on a daily basis. Yes, I understand it’s purpose, but for anyone who could have body image issues, the daily observance of your body cannot be healthy. I don’t have this struggle, but every day you take a picture, you will automatically analyze what your body looks like and if it measures up to your ideal/realistic image.

My challenge when it came to pictures, was the specifics of “how” to take the picture. I remember listening to the podcast and the guidelines suggesting it needed to be revealing. I believe he suggested that ladies needed to be in underwear (I may be wrong). I did this the first week, but then seeing these pictures in my camera roll frequently was embarrassing, especially when I wanted to show people pictures of other images I had taken. Sure, I could’ve made a separate folder and hid them all in there, but I already had 7 other mandatory tasks to complete in a single day–that was not my priority.

Water

This is the one task that kept me up later than anything else, and the one thing I woke up in panic attacks wondering if I completed. I’m going to be honest here: I probably failed the challenge with this one, but I continued the 75 days. Let me explain: One day I did not finish my gallon of water before I went to sleep, but I did finish before I woke up. It wasn’t “necessarily” that I didn’t finish that night, but rather that I get hot during the night and like to drink water if this happens so I didn’t know if this counted towards the previous day’s intake or the new day. This was probably day 10. From there, I made the decision that as long as I drank it all before I woke up, it counted. 24 hours is 24 hours for me.

Andy Frisella also says that you can’t add anything to your water such as protein shake or electrolytes. I get those because, to an extent, they add flavoring. However, I take a butt-ton of supplements and a few of them are in the powder form. Many of them are unflavored or just plain disgusting. The water I used to consume them was going to be counted in my 128 oz. I was not adding on top of my required amount when nothing about the flavor encouraged me to drink more water. To give you a better understanding, the supplements I mixed my water in with were Emergen-C (this is the ONLY one I could say didn’t count–but it was 4oz of water out of 128 oz.), collagen, creatine, lysine, and spirulina. IYKYK–NONE of those are tasty in and of themselves.

I decided to use two 32 oz. water bottles to complete my daily intake. I wanted to buy the big gallon or half-gallon bottle, but I realized I wouldn’t use it past this challenge; I often lose or forget items, and such bottles weren’t conducive to travel as I often book the cheapest flights which only allow a personal bag. No way I would let such a container take up my precious limited space.

Another challenge I had with the water was if it happened to spill or if I went out and had a glass of water rather than drinking from my containers. UGH! Did I measure accurately? Did I fail the challenge unknowingly?

Workouts

These were probably the easiest tasks in my day since I already workout daily. The time requirement was definitely an inconvenience and the outdoor requirement just made it frustrating. When the weather began to change, I couldn’t do my workout in the morning as it would be around 50 degrees. I, personally, wanted to do outdoor workouts when it was warmer. Also, if I had a busy day, I found myself completing my outdoor workout late at night which may not have always been the safest. One day I was traveling and the 2-hour difference made it so that I essentially had to workout at 12AM! I chose to walk and as soon as I began walking, a dog started barking and next thing I know, 4 other dogs came out barking! I walked away as calmly as I could back to my house and did a workout outside in the cold. I chose to do yoga instead of walking and the stillness of the moves in yoga constantly made me aware of the coldness.

Although I got over this, I was always worried if I used all 45 minutes adequately. On the podcast, Andy Frisella stated if you stop 1 minute short, you’ve failed. I would think: “I stopped to take a picture. Does this not count?” “Does stretching count as part of my workout time?” “I took a phone call during my workout and slowed down. I’m not going as hard. Does this count?” He also said that if you chose to walk outside, it couldn’t be a leisurely stroll. Did this mean I had to granny-style powerwalk? What was the difference between a stroll and a paced walk? I finally let this go and just determined 45minutes alone was going to be the standard.

Diet

My “diet” of choice was no sweets or coffee (caffeine was okay). While this wasn’t as challenging because I believe I eat pretty healthy, it was just so restrictive and saddening. Halloween, Pumpkin Spice season, and Thanksgiving all occurred during my challenge (on top of randomly supplied sweets in the teacher’s lounge). It was easy to say no, but it wasn’t always easy to determine what counted as a “sweet.” Was my protein shake or bar which had chocolate in it a sweet? It wasn’t delicious, but certainly did have flavor added. A cake and a pie are certainly sweets, but what about a muffin or a pancake? Breakfast or sweet? If it was not something I would normally gravitate towards to quench my sweet tooth, I allowed it.

10 Pages a Day

This was by far my favorite and semi-easiest task. I love to read and keep a stack of self-help books around. I can’t say I ever was close to failing in this area **One day, I don’t think I read, but I happened to have went to church and received a pamphlet that contained 20 pages and I skimmed through that. If the Bible counts, this should too 🙂 **. I did wonder if blank pages counted as completed pages, but in the book, blank pages were counted in the page numbers so I considered a sweet blessing to add a page without having to actually “read” the page. My only challenge was traveling knowing I would finish a book. I was not going to bring two books (limited space), so I would bring a new book to ensure I didn’t experience falling short of pages without anything else to read. All-in-all, this was my favorite task. I often found myself reading more pages than needed (which I’m sure is normal) and having to force myself to stop so I would go to sleep.

Alcohol

This was not a challenge for me at all! I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I only drink occasionally and get fruity drinks. It was only semi-difficult when I was on dates and they wanted to drink or I went to a new place which had a cute drink I would have loved to try.

Takeaways

So here are my takeaways. Would I do this again or recommend it to anyone else? No way! It’s unnecessary. Life happens. I get that that’s the point. However, I believe I got sick three times on this challenge. Getting up to workout when you don’t feel good and not being able to count herbal/medicinal teas as part of your water intake is just stupid. Also, the amount of time you lose sleeping so your body can recover and still meeting each task requires fitting a lot of things into a small period of time.

While I think not eating sweets was beneficial, I missed out on “moments” just to meet a challenge.

I do understand how it is a mental challenge, though. I did want to give up, but it wasn’t in the sense of “I just can’t do this” but rather “I don’t want to do this.” I’m tired! I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. Yes, life happens and sometimes you just want to crawl into your bed and cry. During this challenge, I experienced so many ups and downs relationally, it was more than I could take. Such events made me think: “This challenge doesn’t matter!” “So many things in life don’t matter!” Of course, this was my depression talking, but I will say, I never regretted completing any of the tasks. I always felt good towards the end or after.

It is a good challenge if you’re doing it for yourself and no-one else. Saying no to alcohol “in the name of 75 hard” made me realize not drinking is not something I have to be afraid to admit. I was also able to observe dates who did and realize I’m just not someone who really wants a partner that prefers to carry an alcoholic beverage around with them or experience it as a pastime hobby. Everyone has their thing–that’s just not for me.

I also found great joy in walking. It’s so therapeutic. It was a great space for me to grow as well rather listening to podcasts, audiobooks (no, these weren’t counted towards my 10 pages) or music and singing along. This is the one thing I wasn’t doing before that I’m sure I would continue; however, I probably won’t maintain the 45 minutes. I’d rather walk a total distance or just however long and wherever my feet chose to go.

My Biggest Lesson

I definitely wouldn’t say this challenge wasn’t beneficial. I think I learned just how much my own brain and thinking makes life difficult. Looking back on all the things that gave me anxiety: Does this water count? How long can my rest period be? Must I wear a specific attire to take this picture? And on and on and on…. helped me see that I’m too hard on myself. I’m not lax and I don’t give myself enough grace. Scripture says:

For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

James 2:10-13

For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Ironically, stumbling at just one point in this challenge does forfeit it all, but I digress.

It’s simply not possible to get everything right, always. I’m going to miss something intentionally, but often unintentionally. Unless I want to live in a constant state of anxiety, I cannot do this. For this reason, I would say I don’t regret this challenge. Moving forward, I’d continue all of the tasks except for taking the progress pictures and not eating sweets, but I would not put a time or amount requirement on them.

P.S. I did purchase the app (I actually purchased a different one first that I regret), but I wouldn’t say it’s necessary. I would simply use Google Calendar and put each required task into your calendar set for 75 reoccurrences. Each time you complete it, simply delete it from your calendar so you know you no longer need to complete it.

If you choose to partake in this challenge, good luck! If you have any questions, I’m here to answer them as best as I can. If after reading you choose not to, don’t stress. You are still such a valuable and worthy human being.

Results

I just so happened to be wearing the same bra top on day 1 and day 75. Sorry I wasn’t wearing the same shorts or at the same angle, but as I stated, I just took these to get through. LOL

Weight: 154.3

Lean Body Mass: 111.8

Skeletal Muscle Mass: 65.9

Total Fat Mass: 35.5

Total Body Fat Percentage: 23.0

Weight: 147.9 (~145 initially)

Lean Body Mass:118.4

Skeletal Muscle Mass: 67.7

Body Fat Mass: 29.5

Percent Body Fat: 19.9

In total, I lost 6.4 pounds and 6 of those pounds were strictly fat, not muscle! 🙂

Until Heaven or Sooner,

It Is Well: Saying So Much While Saying So Little

2 Kings 4 tells the story of “prominent woman” with no name. All we know is that she was a Shunammite woman. In fact, that is how she is referenced throughout the entire chapter. In the beginning of the story, all we know is that she is a married woman that persuades Elisha to eat food in her home every time he passes by. Eventually, she tells her husband, he is “a holy man of God.” So she urges her husband to build a room for him that he would have a place whenever he came into town. Early on, we can tell her prominence must have been from her discernment. Verse 9 says she perceived he was a holy man. She must have observed his actions, maybe even heard of him from others, but above all, through walking with the Lord and listening to Him.

Continue reading “It Is Well: Saying So Much While Saying So Little”

Too Young to Decide

The world is spinning, and I’m grading papers.

When you have had to make a tough decision that affected someone else?

This is the question my students were assigned to answer in 10 complete sentences. Many responded regarding friendships and schoolwork, but the most reoccurring response was regarding family. The toughest decision my students, ages 14-18, had to make was choosing between staying with their mom or dad after a split or divorce. For many of them, they had to make this decision before they ever entered high school.

Continue reading “Too Young to Decide”

The Beauty of Advent

The beauty of advent is that He came. The One who was promised came to us as He said He would. The wait was worth it. As we celebrate the season of Advent, as we celebrate His coming and arrival, may we be reminded of our own waiting in dating.

The beauty of advent is that He came. The One who was promised came to us as He said He would. The wait was worth it. 

“For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope and overflow with confidence in His promises.” Romans 15:4

I can’t help but correlate Advent with dating. I can’t help but learn from scriptures how the beauty of advent encourages us in dating. 

I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it. I’m sure you have as well. 

You meet someone. You’re excited. You hope it works out. Then the shift begins. Why do they respond like that? Are they interested? If they were interested, surely they would reach out more? Surely there would be some consistency?

All the while, you know this is true. You know when someone wants you, they make their intentions known. There’s not confusion. Yes, there’s fear…there’s wonder….there’s anticipation. But there’s not confusion. There’s not sadness and anxiety. 

This is where Advent comes in.

Advent represents the fulfillment of that wonder and anticipation.

When Simeon saw the child Jesus, he said, “Now, Lord, You are releasing Your bond-servant to leave [this world] in peace, According to Your word; For my eyes have seen Your Salvation, Which You have prepared in the presence of all peoples, A LIGHT FOR REVELATION TO THE GENTILES [to disclose what was previously unknown], And [to bring] the praise and honor and glory of Your people Israel.” Luke 2:29-32

What was prophesied was fulfilled. What was said to come, came. 

So how exactly does Advent provide encouragement for dating?

Well, Scripture is clear about Jesus. How He would come, and what He would do. It was laid out years ago. His birth, His death, His resurrection.

“You search and keep on searching and examining the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and yet it is those [very Scriptures] that testify about Me; and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life.” John 5:39

The Scriptures tell the Truth. The Scriptures point to the Messiah.

Likewise, the actions, the words, the things you KNOW are what you deserve in dating are there. They’re not hiding—you’re unwilling to accept what you are seeing. 

Don’t be like the Jews, Pharisees, and Sadducees who could not recognize what was right before their eyes. 

Recognize the one who fulfills what God has for you. 

There’s Peace. 

There’s Joy.

There’s no confusion.

As we celebrate the season of Advent, as we celebrate His coming and arrival, may we be reminded of our own waiting in dating. May we be reminded that the wait for what is promised is GOOD. That it is WORTH it! That He is too good to not keep His promise. That we can see traces of Him in everything. That every good and perfect gift comes from Him. That He’s too good of a Father to give us stones when we ask for bread. That in His presence is FULLNESS of JOY. He won’t disappoint. He’s not in a rush. He won’t be moved by your unbelief. He will come just as He promised. And in this we rejoice. We rejoice, my love, for He is with Us. 

It Starts Today

There will be people looking. There will be obstacles. It won’t look like anyone next to me, but if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can endure as He did. I can recognize the pain of this sinful world and not take on the shame.

So here it begins…the “restart” of my writing journey. The sharing of my voice–my unique voice. Braving to share myself with a world that may never truly understand me, but empowered because of a God who fully understands me.

I’d like to begin by stating listening to country music (shout out Kane Brown), is probably not the most beneficial way to blog, but there’s something about this genre of music that can really get the tear ducts flowing. Yet, I digress…

This is the season I’m in. I love teaching; I hate being a teacher. I’m tired. I’m asked to focus on tasks that don’t matter while simultaneously being expected to perform miracles with students who don’t come to class, can’t speak English or feel coming to school alone is the only requirement for earning a 70. I miss the slow pace at which my life moved in Cali (ironic, right…). I miss my dad. I wish I could look back on a childhood full of laughter and love instead of trauma and pain. I miss the ferventness of ministry when I was in my twenties. I desire closer relationships and the willingness to continue when those relationships cause unbearable hurt. To love because I love, not because the other person gives it to me. Yet still have the boundaries and assertiveness to speak when boundaries are being violated.

I live in the tension of the unknown.

I’m prone to focus on all that is missing instead of what is here.

Even as I write, I recall prophetic words of the book I’m to write. The book I can’t even fathom. The book somewhere in the future comprised of words I can’t in this moment believe anyone would want to read. Comprised of words I don’t even have. I recall the visions I have of speaking. I see me standing on a stage, sharing with fierceness and boldness all that God through Christ offers His people. How he yearns that they would now Him and follow Him. I hear the countless times people have asked me if I wanted to be a pastor (pfft).

Right now, I know I’m not there. I don’t want to chase those things. I don’t want to chase things that put me in the spotlight. I want to be known without being seen, but is that really possible? I don’t want to chase success or accolades. I want to chase joy! Not simply choose joy; I want to chase it with all my heart come what may.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

There will be people looking. There will be obstacles. It won’t look like anyone next to me, but if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can endure as He did. I can recognize the pain of this sinful world and not take on the shame. I can still have joy in the midst of the opposition that comes. Maybe this is it. Maybe these sentences will turn into pages in a book I do not have that answer. I can only choose to endure and see what the Lord will have.

Until Heaven or Sooner,

Should You Vote

It is a grave danger we do our citizens–our country when we insist on their votes without proper information.

It is a grave danger we do our citizens–our country when we insist on their votes without proper information. The first time I voted, I was unsure. Actually, the first time I was legally able to vote, I chose not to. Yet, the second time around, I felt the same. Who would run this country best? Who would honor God the most? Who was not the anti-christ? (I know I’m not the only one.) So what did I do? I forfeited my vote for that of another. I sought a man who seemed knowledgeable in politics, a Christian and my friend and asked who he was voting for. Sounded good, so I followed suit. What I didn’t know was all the other candidates I would vote for.

What did I do, then?

I looked at the name and chose based on how it sounded. Hmm….”That sounds like a black person.” “That person sounds smart.” “Ooh, I think I’ve heard that name before!”

Not realizing, these would be the people whose decisions affect my life and the lives of my loved ones.

So, today, I say vote and I also say don’t vote.

Don’t you know all your ancestors went through for you to be able to vote?

Yes. My ancestors and my people were denied the right, and therefore even choice to vote. If I never voted a day in my life, I would have still fought that battle. I’m grateful my ancestors gave me the choice. They gave me equal footing in a system that ignored them. With wisdom I will exercise this privilege. I can only imagine they would be more disgusted having fought their battles for people to vote simply to post a sticker stating they voted, yet to have no knowledge regarding those they elected. I’m grateful they fought for the right and not the requirement.

I think my people have failed me. We’ve harped on the presidential candidates and failed to address the the others who are just as, if not, more important.

But, aren’t you a Christian? This is your duty.

Yes, I am a Christian. Duty it is not. My duty is to My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25 Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.

Colossians 3:23-25

For some, voting is an easy choice. For others, there’s no peace with the decision to do so. To God be the glory that one man’s conviction is not a sin for another. In Romans 14, Scripture warns against doing things that do not proceed from faith. In the same passage, Scripture also warns against passing judgement against those who make choices differently from yours.

10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.

Romans 14:10

And although this passage references idol worship, I see its ramifications in society now. We are destroying one another and the work of God over individuals right to choose. The right to choose to vote or not to vote. The right to be democratic or republican. May whatever you do and whomever party you hold to, may you stand with confidence in God of your actions.

22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

Romans 14: 22-23

So this November 3, 2020, whether I vote or not is between me and God (Actually, it’s not. Anyone can look up your voting history.) But, without a doubt, my decision to vote or not will come from faith, seeking of information and be exercised using the knowledge and wisdom given by my Father. I pray yours is as well. I pray that just as much as you urge those to vote, you urge them to vote informed. I pray that just as eager you are for people to exercise their right to vote, you let them exercise their right to not vote. Lastly, I pray that you cast no judgement on those who choose differently from you and make this about the Kingdom and not about the polls.

7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Proverbs 4:7

Until Heaven or Sooner,

When the Church Fails You: Togo, Africa

Although being sent home devastated me, I see God’s plan in it. The timing was perfect for where I am now. The issues I experienced on the Race are the topics our world is now speaking up about. I have a story to tell about the church’s failure in this area and I will. Ultimately, what needs to be known is that we cannot love the people of Africa and treat them with the utmost respect, but fail to do the same with the people who look just like them in America.  

PenultimateFullSizeRender

Farewell, goodbye, to you my friend.

So long, for now, until we meet again.

Continue reading “When the Church Fails You: Togo, Africa”

When You Fail to Recognize the Issue: Mendoza, Argentina

Argentina was hard! We were “suspended” from ministry and this was when a lot of things began to go downhill for me regarding my team. It was also when I more vividly began to see the issues within the World Race organization as a whole. It was such a blessing to come across a now popular book. Click to read more!

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Month three we entered Argentina! It was hot! I thought we weren’t going to experience this until Africa!

Continue reading “When You Fail to Recognize the Issue: Mendoza, Argentina”

Stop Doing This: Lima, Peru

vecesmejor

Hi, Lovelies!

We did not get to go to Bolivia during Month 2, so we remained in Peru but were involved with a different ministry. During our second month, we worked with a church called 10 Veces Mejor (10 Times More). Each day consisted of us traveling to various schools and providing talks on sexual purity and abuse. As these are topics very close to my heart and story, I enjoyed this time. In the evenings, we did outreach to the homeless and prostitutes. On one occasion,  we encountered a man lying out in the streets as if he were dead. It’s devastating the lives people are faced with living. I’m not aware of how his situation ended, but we called for help and remained with him until they came. Continue reading “Stop Doing This: Lima, Peru”

I’m Happy for You (Sort of…Not Really)

I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison: Wyma, Kay Wills: 9781601425959: Amazon.com: Books

This is my review of I’m Happy for You {SORT OF…Not Really} by Kay Wills Wyma. Much of this book covered topics I’ve already recognized in my life and don’t struggle with. The best parts were at the end. Therefore, I’ll just share the quotes I extremely liked here for future reference.

  • Comparison makes life about me, how I measure up or fall short. And all that self-absorption consumes our mental energy and prevents us from enjoying life (11).
  • I quickly forced a mental reboot and chose to be genuinely happy for my friend (11).
  • Being preoccupied with how we measure up personally leads to either pride or humiliation, whereas choosing to focus on and congratulate the other person lifts us both up (24).
  • I’m happy for you–we move from comparison to compassion (25).
  • Ctrl/Alt/Delete: Ctrl-Control the thought process by pausing to recognize the problem; Alt-Consider an alternative perspective; Delete-Eliminate Comparison–or at least tone it down (26-27).
  • “You’re stressed because you’re making it about you and how you will stack up against everyone else. Stop for a minute. Look up and find someone next to you who is probably feeling the same pressure to perform. Just say something genuinely encouraging to them like, ‘You hit such a great serve. You’re a really good player whether you make the team or not’ and your life will be better” (27).
  • When comparison isn’t involved, we are content (30).
  • The garden inhabitants were satisfied until someone suggested something was missing. I’m content until my attention is drawn to something I didn’t even know was absent from my life (31).
  • Comparison is the thief of joy (33).
  • “Nothing shall I, while sane, compare with a friend” (33).
  • Maybe fixing my eyes on the beauty already present in my own life can help me be happy for folks around me–and mean it (35).
  • Glimpse=a moment in time that I’m letting play with my emotions as I compare myself to them (38).
  • What we see is often just a snapshot (39).
  • Glimpse is when I let a moment of loss or disappointment loom larger than it should and obstruct my perception of my own life (39).
  • In every situation there is something for which we can be grateful (40).
  • It’s hard to be grateful for, or to, anyone with my eyes on myself (40).
  • Good things exist in the midst of bad circumstances, if we’re willing to look for them (42).
  • Gratitude is a discipline (43).
  • Nelson Mandela …kept his focus on what could be. He never appeared to wallow in the past. He didn’t allow the wrongs he’d suffered to define his perspective (47).
  • Life is about more than this one moment (51).
  • There is more to a situation than meets the eye, that good can come out of it–whatever “it” might be–if we stop to view things from another angle (51).
  • You are worth so much more than a parking spot (54).
  • Caring about others is more important than caring about what others think (65).
  • True joy resides in relationship. She didn’t care about the state of my fridge; she cared about me (66).
  • “A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind” (66).
  • The problem is, if I focus on comparison, then I am focusing on myself (67).
  • Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another (69).
  • We are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth (71).
  • When I’m less concerned with what people might think about me, my mid is freed up to realize I’m not nearly as messy or coming-up-short as I might think (71).
  • Rather than worrying about what others think, let’s consider the fact that people just like us are on the other side of those perceived thoughts–probably worried about what we’re thinking of them (71).
  • Before [fill in the blank] changed [your] perception…would you have ever noticed…let alone coveted? (75).
  • Human beauty is not fixed (79).
  • Spend more time appreciating the things we do like (84).
  • Each of us carries a mental mirror, a reflection of a preconceived, often skewed ideas about how we look and how we should look (85).
  • What if I considered my true reflection to be found in the way God sees me (88).
  • Her thinness has nothing to do with me. Her body type doesn’t affect whether or not I’m thin or fat. But sometimes we get stuck believing that a particular standard determines whether or not we are okay. And more times than not, that standard has nothing to do with us (89).
  • Focus not on trying to fix the things that aren’t quite right but on appreciating the things we do have going for us (89).
  • We can stop comparing (90).
  • Good for her that she’s got nice legs. And luck y for me that I have (insert one of your go-to qualities) (90).
  • Watch for the beauty that is always present–in others and in ourselves, guys and girls (92).
  • Contentment comes when we choose to see the immeasurable, incomparable beauty of each human, including the one in the mirror (92).
  • I no longer measure the worth of a post on how many Likes it gets. I post because it gives me pleasure…Most of us in life will never go viral or be a Brene’ Brown, but we all make a difference in our own way…I do what I do because it gives me joy (99).
  • My contentment hinged on something that had no relevance (100).
  • We measure ourselves against other people who are measuring themselves against other people (107).
  • Normal is a relative concept (107).
  • Who came up with the idea of “normal” (108)?
  • [Social] norms are the potential “pressure” in situations that: help to define the nature of social reality; from the foundation upon which people base their interaction; and provide a common referent for members’ self-evaluation. By means of these mechanisms, norms increase feelings of personal and group identity(108).
  • If I let the lines define my self worth, then I might need to do a little soul-searching (110).
  • Contentment: striving after our potential. Not someone else’s, not a predetermined spot we measure ourselves against, bout our unique potential (110).
  • Might focusing on the reality that we each have differing “bests” free us to spur others on to strive after their potential (111).
  • My hope is that home will be a sweet memory for each of them and that they will want to come back often. i hope it’s a place where they know they’re accepted and loved, regardless of how society says they measure up. A place where their worth is not determined by their ability to act or look a certain way but simply by their being who they were created to be. A place where they ‘re challenged to reach their unique potential and to encourage and celebrate with others as they do the same (112).
  • Joy comes when we find harmony with ourselves and the life we’re currently living, resting in our potential rather than being distracted by everyone else’s (112).
  • Knowing us well enough to recognize the little bitty things that really mean something. Like extra rice in a burrito bowl…I want to be like him (123).
  • Making your coffee before you’ve reached the register or by the grocery-store bagger who greets you by name (124).
  • Our friendship is tried and true, mostly because we are honest with each other. She’s not afraid to call me out; she’s a safe place for me to share; she rejoices when I rejoice and is sad when I am sad. And it goes both ways. True friendship encourages and offers safe ground for authenticity, a rare commodity these days (127).
  • When I’m on the right side of fair, do I consider the ones who miss out (134)?
  • Well, he’s making himself miserable. He could be so happy if he just let it be. you know? If he could just sit back there and be okay with Fury getting to play on the iPad, he would actually be happy. But it’s like he would rather Fury haven nothing and be miserable too than just be happy for him (134).
  • Fairness is a shifting scale (137).
  • Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be. –Max Lucado (137).
  • Whether you like it or not, I actually am the authority over you. you may not always know why I choose to give or not give you things you desire, and sometimes my decisions seem unfair (especially when a sibling seems to receive different treatment), but you can rest in the fact that I love you and have your best interest at heart. And I see a little more of the big picture than you can at this stage (140).
  • The talents and treasures on this earth are not distributed equally, and that is not fair…God is indeed fair, but fair does not mean equal (141).
  • It’s a question of trust…Do I trust that everything would be okay because God is in control (141-143)?
  • Place trust in God rather than in circumstances (143).
  • I can choose to be grateful and to trust that God has everything in hand and my best interests at heart (144).
  • Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.–Corrie ten Boom (145).
  • Contentment is found in accepting, embracing, and doing our best with the reality of our own situation (148).
  • Swimming races are made up of heats. Your heat could be fast or slow. There’s no way of knowing. So in reality, you’re not racing against the kis who happen to be in the pool at the same time you are. You’re racing for the wall (154). –> Run through the tape!
  • You need to focus on the wall. The wall is where your race ends (155).–>Focus on the finish line.
  • What if, instead of looking at others as a measure of our own value, we looked at them simply to appreciate and even celebrate their success (166)?
  • To be nobody-but-yourself–in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else–means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. –e.e. cummings (169)
  • Excellence is not being the best, but doing your best (170).
  • Well-intentioned parents instill high expectations in their kids, who then feel like failures when an achievement is good, maybe great, but not perfect (171).
  • A good job is good enough; they don’t need to have the best job. If they can go through their lives looking for and appreciating what’s good in their friendships, in their romantic relationships and in their work–even if their work is more modest than it would have been 10 years ago–they can live an incredibly satisfying life that way (171-172).
  • We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above the rest (176).
  • Failure and disappointment come with the territory (185).
  • A setback doesn’t mean it’s time to quite (186).
  • Freedom comes when we each focus on doing our best rather than being the best (186).
  • My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.–Michael J. Fox (187).
  • Never give expectations that kind of power (192).
  • Good communication can save us from those unspoken, unfounded expectations–and the resulting discontent (193).
  • The issue is the way we act when expectations go unmet (195).
  • Satisfaction rsts in our ability to enjoy the spoils of success or deal with disappointment. Contentment comes, in large part, with acceptance and gratitude for what we do have, rather than focusing on all the unmet expectations and the accompanying pressures (195).
  • The so-called midlife crisis has almost everything to do with marinating our thoughts in the disparity between what we anticipated and what we’ve experienced…We get so focused on the way we think things should look, we forget to see all the good that is (195).
  • Can I appreciate that_____________?
  • Accepting those unmet expectations, and actively noting the good things we enjoy in spite of life’s shortcomings, fosters happiness (196).
  • Researchers have found that people who regularly write down things for which they are grateful in gratitude journals have increased satisfaction in life, higher energy levels, and improved health. In one study, people who read a letter of appreciation to someone in their lives were measurably happier almost one month later. performing acts of kindness or altruism boosts moods (196).
  • Letting go of our comparisons and choosing to be happy anyway can actually alleviate stress and improve our health (196).
  • Even the simple act of smiling stimulates peace and contentment (197).
  • Endorphins are responsible for making us feel happy, and they also help lower stress levels. Faking a smile or laugh works as well as the real thing–the brain doesn’t differentiate between real or fake as it interprets the positioning of the facial muscles in the same way (197).
  • Being happy is a choice (197).
  • Expectation issues are real. Managing them takes practice…Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the tings I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” (197).
  • “Depressed stance” –Charlie Brown (198).
  • It’s not bad to want my life to look a certain way. I can pray specifically for such things, but I need to hold them loosely. I want to give God a blank canvas. Let Him paint it. Then rest in the fact that the painting will ever look like what I plan, and I’m grateful for it (201).
  • It isn’t wrong to have goals and hopes and dreams. or to work diligently toward such things. But when those expectations determine our contentment, we may have a problem. Because things usually don’t end up the way we think they will (201).
  • I don’t have to know. But I do have to trust. I must trust that putting one foot in front of the other is enough. And to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My part is obedience (202).
  • God always gives his best to those who leave the choice with Him (202).
  • Few things in life are certain (204).
  • You get to choose your response (204).
  • Detours occur. Change is inevitable. My perspective, my attitude, and my response are key. I can choose to wallow in frustration, anger, and disappointment. Or I can meet change head on, treat the symptoms, get help if needed, accept what I can’t change–and hop around until my foot is normal. Or until I get used to my new normal (204).
  • Learning to accept life as it comes frees us to recognize an unexpected path on our route to our happiness. Because “a truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour” (204).
  • Just do your best. You can’t do anything more than that (206).
  • If [we] spend [our] time in constant comparison, [we]will not be the people God created [us] to be and will not live the abundant life God intended for [us] (208).
  • I do not want comparison to steal my joy or derail me from the path the Lord has set for me (208).
  • God loves us with an unending love, and He does not compare us with another (208).
  • We are enough as we are right now (209).
  • We are enough to be loved by God and by others (209).
  • It feels so much better to set people up to be cheered than to be the one cheered (211). (Volleyball)
  • In order to have a friend, you need to be a friend (212).
  • A friend is the person who is loyal and genuinely wants you to succeed in life. You know them by how willing they are to celebrate with you when you’re succeeding, not just by how they hep you up when you’ve fallen (212).
  • When you learn to celebrate with others, you discover the true purposes for living life (212).
  • The struggle with comparison is–normal (213).
  • Faith that everything actually does work together for good (214).
  • Any light that we see coming from the moon is only a reflection of the sun’s light…It’s as if the moon is fully surrendered to the sun…That’s like us when we fully surrender to God–we shine. An the shine is never our own. The more we surrender, the more we bask in His light and the more we reflect His light (216-217). –> Make me like the moon.
Philippians 4:12-13 Art Print by susannarempel | Society6